Going blind sucks

When you're 12 years old and the doctor tells you, "You'll be blind by age 19," it's kind of a tricky situation. I wasn't panicked or scared. I have had stingy drops, soothing drops, and an endless supply of tobradex, and even been put on some stupid pill medication for five years to ease whatever what was going on in my eyes. I almost went blind from something stupid when I was 5. So... 19 was my deadline. Whatever, no big deal. I was okay with it.

I'm 24 now and a walking miracle, because as anyone who knows me can tell... I can still see. Not as well as other people, but I can see. I can drive, play video games, draw, and do art. I can look up at the sky at night and see almost all the same stars other people can. I can play sports and catch a baseball in the sun if I'm wearing shades. I got cocky. I like knowing that I'm special; I beat the odds. I stumped the doctors. Why have I not gone blind? Even they don't know. It just... stopped. I'm not blind and as far as I can tell, I'm not going blind anymore.

And tonight I woke up from a small nap. Turned on the light. Put on my glasses. And I couldn't see. Everything was blurry. My left eye, the dominant one, couldn't focus. My right eye is useless with or without glasses/contacts. So imagine waking up with a lifetime of near-misses with blindness and not being able to see. Thank God Jeremy was online to calm me down. What an amazing man. Gonna call the Army doctor. I'm still wary about seeing an eye doctor outside my comfort zone. Before I came here, I had three docs looking after me since I was a child: Dr. Smith (my favorite), Dr. Kelly (2nd fave), and Dr. Sugar (who is a real jerk with no bedside manner, but a genius nonetheless). I'm a wimp. I'm scared of going to a new doctor and having them gasp at the hideous scarring on my corneas.

I know I'll be fine. I have faith. I am, after all, a walking miracle. Gleefully stumped doctors across the Chicagoland area. Though, if worse comes to worse...

Going blind sucks.